Counselling for self esteem issues

Low self esteem is often an underlying issue for people having problems with anxiety. A healthy self esteem is critical in ensuring the choices you make consider your needs and not just those of someone else.

How can low self esteem develop?

We all come into this world with certain qualities unique to us as individuals. At the same time we're driven by the need to be loved and accepted, first within our family and then within the wider community. When parents nurture and encourage us while setting appropriate boundaries; it provides an environment in which we have the opportunity to be the best we can be.

The impact of parenting styles

If feedback from significant others such as parents is negative or critical, children will behave in ways other than those which come naturally and spontaneously.  Parenting styles that aim to shape children according to societal norms or personal preference rather than accepting individual difference, can be damaging.

The impact on the young person's self concept and esteem cannot be underestimated. Over time and usually by their teenage years, they come to view their 'Authentic Self' as being flawed.   At the same time they feel like a fraud as they interact from behind the mask of their 'created self' or persona.  Much of a person's anxiety stems from a fear of letting their mask slip, with the consequence that others will discover their deceit and the flawed person beneath.

Anxiety and Low Self Esteem

Low self esteem and anxiety go hand-in-hand.  Self worth that's based on the approval of others is tenuous to say the least. Inevitably one feels vulnerable to the judgments of others. You only feel good about yourself if others are accepting and approving. The pressure to behave in ways that meet with  approval is great. The desire to please requires acutely attuned observational and perceptive skills in order  to constantly calculate what people might want or expect from you.  A need to 'do the right thing' is a significant source of anxiety because it can be in conflict with what you might want to do, instinctively and authentically. 

While being a 'pleaser' might get you the reputation of being a nice person, dependable and selfless, you should also be aware that the tendency to value others more highly than yourself, leaves you vulnerable to manipulation and abuse.  Click on self esteem article to read how low self esteem has the potential to negatively impact a person's life.

In my view, restoring self esteem requires a re-discovery, acceptance and appreciation of all your unique qualities. It then necessitates taking the risk of living a more authentic life, one that's based on your own values and beliefs, rather than those dictated by family conditioning, societal norms or past life experiences.   Return to top